Latest Podcast: Full House Revival and the Olsen Twins Dilemma

Time was when two Olsens—Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen—were needed to play one Full House role because neither Olsen was old enough to work long enough to make efficient TV. Now the Olsens twins are 28, and apparently able-bodied and capable. So, why exactly would both of them be needed on the announced Full House revival, Fuller House? And if they were both on the set, what would they do? Michelle Tanner’s still only one fictional character, right?

These, and other Full House matters discussed in exacting (but interesting!) detail on the latest Former Child Star Central with my special guest, Joe Adalian, West Coast editor of New York‘s Vulture.com, and cohost of the KCRW,com podcast, The Spin-Off.

Former Child Stars: Why Can’t You Be More Like Ron Howard and Jodie Foster?

The Calgary Herald plays the part of the scolding parent in its look at childhood fame. Specifically, the paper wags its finger at Justin Bieber and the troubled like and asks, “Why can’t you be more like Ron Howard and Jodie Foster?”

People, in and out of the media, love this question. It’s easy to see why: It’s an easy question to ask, and an even easier compare/contrast scenario to construct. Howard and Foster: successful Oscar-winners; other former child stars with lesser credentials: meh.

On one hand, there’s no argument here: Howard and Foster have indeed navigated Hollywood from childhood to adulthood with their respective sanity apparently intact and with their careers still viable.

But then there’s this: To always hold up the Howard and Foster model is to discount, say, the Jonathan Taylor Thomas model. Is Thomas, the former “Home Improvement” regular, not a role model for having moved from teen-idol status to relative anonymity (either by choice or by lack of opportunity) with his respective sanity apparently intact? Or do we only value the child star who remains a star?

Don’t go seeking out the answer to that last one, Mr. Bieber. It’ll only trouble you more than you’re already troubled.

4 Things That Were Wrong About Miley Cyrus’ VMAs Performance, the Outraged Interwebs Says

1. It’s wrong to be a stripper
2. It’s wrong to promote sex.
3. It’s wrong to stick out your tongue in a manner that makes us think of strippers and/or sex.
4. Above all, it’s wrong to not be a 14-year-old Disney Channel star forever.

I’ve said it before: My bet is that the worst thing about being a child star is that you’re Little Sally and the world is Grandma Ethel—no matter what you do, no matter what you become, Grandma Ethel is there, with all your baby pictures burned into her brain, to insist that you always will be (and always should be) Little Sally.

Suffice it to say, Grandma Ethel is disappointed in her Little Miley today. (And here’s hoping Little Miley is disappointed in Grandma Ethel—that old lady needs to get with it.)

Why The Avengers Is a 1,000-to-1 Shot to Win Best Picture (In a Word: Skippy)

The only comic-based movie to ever, ever, ever earn even a Best Picture nomination is not really a comic-book movie. (It’s more like The Artist with sound, which is not a bad thing, it’s just not an Avengers thing.)