Time was when two Olsens—Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen—were needed to play one Full House role because neither Olsen was old enough to work long enough to make efficient TV. Now the Olsens twins are 28, and apparently able-bodied and capable. So, why exactly would both of them be needed on the announced Full House revival, Fuller House? And if they were both on the set, what would they do? Michelle Tanner’s still only one fictional character, right?
These, and other Full House matters discussed in exacting (but interesting!) detail on the latestFormer Child Star Central with my special guest, Joe Adalian, West Coast editor of New York‘s Vulture.com, and cohost of the KCRW,com podcast, The Spin-Off.
Because you presumably can’t hit a major-league curve. I’ll give you that. Not that I’ve tried, but I’m betting I can’t hit a major-league curve, either. (Now a nasty slider…)
The larger, less-literal point I make in the latest episode of Former Child Star Central is that Alex Rodriguez, the baseball star-turned-scored PED user-turned baseball star anew, is doing something that Justin Bieber, the pop star-turned-joke, should do. (Hint: It’s not getting kicked out of Coachella.)
Elsewhere, I invent the Former Child Star Central Book Club, and highly recommend that Lindsay Lohan heed its first selection, Amber Tamblyn‘s Dark Sparkler.
Yes, I’m just full of advice. Or something like that.
Did we, meaning I, look for a way to insert myself into the Mad Men final-seven-episodes discussion? Yes, yes, I did.
Did we, meaning I, reach? No, no, I did not.
The latest episode of Former Child Star Central features a legit discussion on who is going to be Mad Men‘s ultimate former-child star: Jon Hamm or Kiernan Shipka? It also features a legit discussion with Mad Men Podcast host Jeremiah Panhorst.
And as if you needed more legit reasons to tune in, as it were, we, meaning I, have two words for you: Debralee Scott.
And also: Mason Reese.
And, yeah, Alex Rodriguez and Justin Bieber, too, but don’t let them deter you.
Look, I didn’t make Zayn Malkin leave One Direction. I just have to talk about it when it happens. I also didn’t make Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas and the Backstreet Boys all make news in the same week. They just did.
I did, however, come up with an argument as to why Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a morally superior film to Woody Allen‘s (and Mariel Hemingway‘s) Manhattan. I did that all on my own.
On the new, weekly episode of Former Child Star Central, I discuss what is wrong with you people, plus look for strains of child-star DNA in the Chris Borland/NFL retirement story, and explain why dear Richard Grieco is like a comet.
They don’t call me the Queen of Variety for nothing.
And, in truth, no, I’ve never actually been called the Queen of Variety. Not to my face anyway.