Justin Bieber Arrested Because, Well, Of Course, He Was

Child Stars, Police Blotter

This is how this act of the troubled teen-idol story goes. On the upside, and I’m serious here, nobody was hurt and nobody died. The incident in Miami can be the catalyst for the comeback that can (maybe, possibly) become the next act of the troubled teen-idol story.

I was already scheduled to talk Bieber next week on Canada’s CJOB-AM. I imagine we’ll be talking even more Bieber now. (I’ll have tune-in specifics later for those who actually want to tune in.)


Joe Jonas: It Ain’t All Unicorns and Rainbows for Disney Boys, Either

Child Stars

A must-read first-person piece by the Jonas Brothers brother for New York.

I’m guessing much will be made of the “revelations” that a young American male imbibed, inhaled and enjoyed the company of groupies. And I’m guessing much will be made of these PG-13 antics because Jonas wasn’t just any young American male; he was a young American Disney male.

So, if it’s any comfort to the Disney Girl, that fragile, “cursed” wretch, the Disney Boy doesn’t have things any easier. And that’s the real revelation of the article.

P.S.: My favorite part of “Joe Jonas: My Life As a Jonas Brother” is where Jonas notes the Magic Kingdom is all up for employing spirited tweens and teens—until, that is, the tweens and teens grow up and show just how spirited they really are. Personally, I don’t think Disney is at all surprised or phased when the rebellion happens. It knows these acts come with expiration dates; it stamped them right on there.

4 Things That Were Wrong About Miley Cyrus’ VMAs Performance, the Outraged Interwebs Says

Child Stars, Controversy, Uncategorized
  1. It’s wrong to be a stripper
  2. It’s wrong to promote sex.
  3. It’s wrong to stick out your tongue in a manner that makes us think of strippers and/or sex.
  4. Above all, it’s wrong to not be a 14-year-old Disney Channel star forever.

I’ve said it before: My bet is that the worst thing about being a child star is that you’re Little Sally and the world is Grandma Ethel—no matter what you do, no matter what you become, Grandma Ethel is there, with all your baby pictures burned into her brain, to insist that you always will be (and always should be) Little Sally.

Suffice it to say, Grandma Ethel is disappointed in her Little Miley today. (And here’s hoping Little Miley is disappointed in Grandma Ethel—that old lady needs to get with it.)

Yasiel Puig Is a Child Star

Child Stars, Sports

The consensus on Yasiel Puig is that the Los Angeles Dodgers’ rookie phenom would be more phenomenal if only he would grow up.

But here’s the thing: He won’t. He’s a child star.

Puig obviously is not a child star in the classic Disney Channel way. But he is young (22), he is rich ($42 million contract) and he is famous, even if he’s not on the Disney Channel (and even if he does play baseball).

So, he’s a child star.

And child stars don’t grow up. Oh, they grow older, but they don’t grow up. They are who they are. Some are steady. Some are impulsive. And the fame and the money magnifies everything. Ron Howard, from an apparently stable, below-the-line Hollywood family, becomes more Ron Howard. Name Your Troubled Child Star Here, from an apparently dysfunctional home, becomes more Name Your Troubled Child Star Here.

Here’s a guess that Puig would be doing his version of blowing off the cut-off man or showing up late to the clubhouse even if he weren’t rich and famous and young and starring on the national sports scene.

He is who he is. He’s a child star.

And you know the secret about child stars: They’re just like non-child stars (only, yes, richer, more famous and able to charge $250 admission to their birthday parties).